Why Me?
by emolicious1212
Summary: Whats the point in living if my dad abuses me, im bulimic and suicidal? Why me? Better than it sounds.
1. Intro

**Hey! Im back! Dont worry i am gonna continue the other story! But i just had to write this because it was a good idea i got in my head :) Hope you guys like this one. Enjoy!**

**Summary: What good is life when im getting abused at home, suicidal, and bulimic? Why should i live?**

_**Nobody's POV**_

_I havent eaten in days. Too afraid to look at myself in the mirror. My body is ugly. Its full of scars, bruises and fatness. He was right, i am worthless. When did this all start? Was it when mom left, or when my life turned into complete hell? Im afraid. Everytime he comes home... Its the same painful thing. He beats me until i start to cry or yelp in pain. And when he doesnt have the energy to beat me, he burns me or makes me throw up. He's a horrible man. The man of my nightmares. The only thing that keeps me going is my green eyed beauty... Eli. He doesnt know yet. About my life. I feel safe around him. Like nothing could hurt me. And nothing can. Maybe Eli can save me from him. My... Dad._

Clare Edwards sighed as she closed her journal. Ignoring her starving stomach. She got up and put her journal away, hiding it. Her dad wasnt home yet. He was at the bar getting drunk with sluts he meets off the street. And part of her was glad he wasnt home to beat her. But he will soon. She missed her old dad. The one that would take her to the park and buy her ice cream, or the one that would tuck her in bed instead of leaving her there to cry herself to sleep. Clare missed her old life. The only good in her life was Eli and Adam. Eli has always been there for her. And Adam has been like a brother to her. Maybe she had a way out. Just maybe...

_**Clare's POV**_

I was laying down in bed when my phone started to ring. It was my love. My life... Eli.

Clare: Hello?

Eli: Hey blue eyes.

Clare: Hey

Eli: Whats my blue eyed beauty up to?

Clare: Just laying in bed. How about you?

Eli: Thinking of you. Always.

Clare: Aw. Im glad im all you can think of.

Eli: You're always on my mind. So can i come over tonight?

I was about to answer when i heard a car pull up in the driveway. My dad was home.

Clare: Im not sure about that. My dad wouldnt allow it.

Eli: He wont have to know. I'll sneak up to your room.

Clare: Fine but i really have to go.

Eli: Okay. Love you.

I smiled.

Clare: I love you too bye.

I hung up the phone when i heard the front door slam shut.

"WHERE ARE YOU BITCH!"

Oh great. He's mad. I didnt answer. I didnt try to hide neither. Knowing that'll make him more mad and the beating worse. I heard footsteps coming up the stairs straight to my room. My door then opened.

"THERE YOU ARE."

He charged straight at me then punched me. I fell to the floor feeling a stinging sensation on my cheek. He then kicked me over and over.

"ITS ALL YOUR FAULT YOUR MOTHER LEFT! YOU UGLY WORTHLESS PIECE OF CRAP!"

He pulled me by my hair and slammed my face on the floor. I could see the blood dripping from my nose and lip.

"Please... Stop."

He kicked me again.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!"

He then took out his lighter and burned me. I screamed in pain.

"You know what. For talking... Im gonna do worse to you."

He started to take off his pants. Wait- what was he gonna do to me? He started to take off my shirt. Was he- was he gonna rape me!

"No... Dont do this. PLEASE!"

I started to cry. I always thought my first time would be with Eli. Not my own father!

"This will teach you a lesson."

I closed my eyes. Not wanting to see it happen. When he was done with me, he kicked me and left my room. I tried to get up but i felt sore. I looked at the time. Eli's supposed to be here soon! I quickly got up in pain from the beating, and went to the bathroom. I looked at myself in the mirror. I looked disgusting. I then looked at my wrists. They were calling for the blade, for that stinging sensation. I opened my medicine cabinet, and took the blade out. I looked at it in complete love, and slit it across my wrists. I felt good again. I looked at the toilet. I was too weak to even try to empty my stomach, but if i wanted to look beautiful, i had to deal with the pain. I knelt down in front of the toilet and put my finger down my throat emptying my stomach. After that i brushed my teeth and waited for Eli.

_**Eli's POV**_

I was climbing the tree to Clare window, excited to see her. She was my everything. I loved her with all my heart and i wouldnt let ANYTHING happen to her. When i got to her window it was already open, and my beauty was laying on her bed, her eyes closed. I quietly walked to her and kissed her. Her eyes shot open and she kissed me back. I pulled back and touched her cheek, but then she flinched.

"Everything okay blue eyes?"

She faked a smile, which i saw right through.

"Yea just happy to see you."

I kissed her softly then got into the bed and cuddled with her. We did this almost every night. I loved to cuddle with her. I put my hand on her stomach firmly and she flinched again.

"Oww."

I furrowed my eyebrows together. I tried to lift her shirt but she pushed my hands away.

"Let me see Clare."

She then gave up and let me pull up her shirt. And what i saw next, got me pissed.

"What the hell happened?"

"I fell down the stairs."

I almost smirked at the lame excuss.

"Really... You fell?"

"Yea dont worry im fine!"

She gave me a reassuring smile. I didnt believe her but i didnt push her into telling the truth. I leaned my head down and kissed her stomach. She giggled which got me to smirk. She was so damn cute! I cuddled with her again, placing my hand lightly on her stomach rubbing soothing circles on it and we both fell asleep.

_**Clare's POV**_

I woke up the next day alone. I got up and flinched, but i fought the pain. Eli probably had to go home and get ready for school. I went to the bathroom and did the same routine. Puked, brush my teeth, take a shower and leave. My dad was never home in the morning- thank god.

I was walking out the door when i got a text msg.

Eli: Need a ride to school?

Clare: No i'll walk. But thanks anyways.

Eli: Okay love you.

Clare: Love you more!

Eli: Impossible!

Clare: Bye Eli.

I closed my phone and smiled. God i loved that boy. I then walked to school. When i got there i found Alli crying. I ran up to her.

"Alli whats wrong?"

She looked up at me, her eyes red.

"Bianca sent the whole entire school those naked photo's i sent Drew. How the hell did she get his phone! My parents are going to KILL me!"

"Calm down. Maybe they wont find out."

And for her luck, the principle came on the speakers.

"Alli Bhandari, please report to my office ASAP."

"Yea they wont find out. I'll see you later."

She walked to the office cautiously, and i dont blame her. Her parents are evil.

"Aww, did slutty Bhandari get in trouble?"

Ugh why me? Slutty Bianca.

"Look who's talking, having sex with every guy you can get your hands on just because you feel insecure about yourself."

"You better shut your mouth Edwards."

"Make me."

The next thing she did got me pissed. She SLAPPED me. She has messed with the wrong bitch today. I then punched her. I felt weak for not eating in days but she hit a nerve. Im used to the pain. People started crowding around us taping the fight and watching it. The fight went on and on until someone grabbed me. I turned around and it was Adam and Eli. And Mr. Simpson was holding Bianca.

"Both of you, my office, now."

Me and Bianca walked with him far away from eachother. And all i was thinking about was how much trouble i was gonna be in when i get home. How much worse the beating was gonna be. And all i can ask myself over and over was... Why me?

**Did you like it, did you hate it? REVIEW! So... Am i the only one who wants a Clare and Bianca fight in the future. Just think about it, Saint Clare and Slutty Bianca. That would be awesome! Anyways i want like 5 reviews if im gonna continue this. Its so easy! Just press the button below and then boom! Write your comment.**


	2. When She Cries

**Hey guys :) Im back once again. Thanks for the reviews! They meant a lot. Keep reviewing and i'll keep writing! On to the story!**

_**Clare's POV**_

_Im in big trouble. I can feel it. I know when he gets home, he'll be really mad at me. When isnt he? Im sure the school called him by now. And all i can do is sit on my bed and wait. Wait for the pain, wait for the horror, and wait for the worse to happen. Its all Bianca's fault. If she hadnt messed with Alli, or walk up to me, then i wouldnt be in this mess. She doesnt know what my life is like... Nobody knows. And nobody can help. She cant help, Mr. Simspon cant help, Adam cant help, Alli cant help, not even... Eli can help. Im afraid. Im being sucked up in my own hell of a life. Somebody help me! Please!_

I sighed, putting away my journal. I have been crying for an hour. Hoping it would help me. But its not helping one bit. My dad's gonna kill me. I've been playing the same song from my IPod for the past hour also. 'When she cries' by Britt Nicole. Its helping a little, but its reminding me of my life. My dad called 10 minutes ago. He said i better stay home or he'll kill me. And i believe him. I believed every single word he said. He would kill me. Oh no! I just heard a car!

"Dont come up, dont come up, dont come up, dont come up."

I silently prayed to myself. Hoping he wouldnt come up to my room.

"WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU! GET YOUR ASS DOWN HERE NOW!"

He's gonna kill me. He's gonna kill me. I quickly, but cautiously went downstairs to find an unimaginable face full of hate. I stood a few feet away from him. He walked to me and grabbed my hair.

"THE SCHOOL CALLED ME! THEY SAID YOU GOT INTO A FIGHT! THEY WANT TO KNOW WHATS GOING ON AT HOME BECAUSE YOU'VE NEVER ACTED THAT WAY BEFORE. DID YOU TELL THEM ANYTHING BITCH?"

He threw me on the floor. I cried in pain when my head hit the hard floor pretty hard.

"No! I didnt!"

He kicked me with all the power he had.

"DONT LIE TO ME YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE!"

He picked me up by my hair and dragged me to the kitchen.

"YOU CAN BURN IN HELL FOR ALL I CARE!"

He turned the stove on high. I panicked. Trying so hard to get away from him but it was no use. I was too weak.

"Stop please! I swear to god i didnt tell them anything!"

I cried when he picked up my hand and put it on the stove.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!"

He took my face and put it on the stove too. Thank god we had an mechanic stove.

"Ahh!"

I cried in pain. I was used to the pain but this was the worst he's done to me. Next he threw me on the floor, kicked me one last time, and left me there... In pain. I found enough strength to drag myself up the stairs to my room. My face hurt like hell and i was weak. I found my phone and called the first number that went to my mind. He picked up on the first ring.

Eli: Hello?

Clare: Eli... I n-need you.

I sounded so weak.

Eli: Whats wrong blue eyes? Where are you?

Clare: My house.

Eli: Im on my way.

He then hung up. I fell to a deep sleep. All i knew was Eli was coming for me and i was safe.

_**Eli's POV**_

Something was wrong with my blue eyes. I needed to get to her. I was speeding on the road praying there were no cops around. But all that mattered right now was my Clare. She sounded weak and in pain when she was on the phone. I finally got to her house after like 5 minutes and climbed to her window. And when i found her, left me heartbroken.

"Blue Eyes!"

"Eli?..."

I knelt down next to her and took her in my arms. She had a huge burn mark on her face and hand, her head was bleeding, and she looked pretty beat up.

"What the hell happenend to you?"

I then heard heavy footsteps up the stairs. Clare's eyes widened and she panicked.

"Hide!"

"What?"

I was confused. She was beat up and now she wants me to hide!

"Go under the bed and hide! He's coming!"

"Who's-"

The door opened and Clare pushed me under the bed. It was her dad. Why was she so afraid of him?

"WHO THE HELL IS UP HERE BITCH?"

"No one!"

He kicked her. What the hell was this man's problem! I was about to get out from under the bed and play peek-a-boo with this asshole but Clare wispered me to stay under.

"HAVE ANY MEN UP HERE? HUH? YOU SLUT!"

He picked her up by her hair and slammed her head back down on the floor. What was he doing to her?

"YOU WANNA BE A SLUT? I'LL SHOW YOU WHAT SLUTS REALLY DO!"

He started to unbuckle his pants and thats when i lost it. I quickly got out from under the bed.

"Get. Your. Hands. Off. Of. Her."

My voice was threatening, and dark.

"Who are you?"

His voice turned calm and innocent.

"Her boyfriend."

He looked shock.

"Were you taking advantage of my little girl?"

"What the hell? NO! But im gonna take "your little girl" out of here."

"The hell your not."

He swung at me but i dodged and threw him on the floor. He hit his head on the nightstand and got knocked out. SCORE! I quickly looked down at Clare. My little angel looked broken. I picked her up bridal style.

"My... head..."

"Stay with my blue eyes. Im gonna take you out of here."

I gently put her down on her bed and started to pack certain things she might need and important things like her pictures. I was about to pick Clare up but soon stopped and watched her struggle to try and get something out from under the bed. I sighed. I helped her get whatever she wanted from under the bed and it was her journal. Once that was safe in her arms, i picked her up and left the house and drove to my house.

_**Clare's POV**_

I woke up in a dark room. The room looked familiar. Eli's room! I felt somebody watching me so i got up and quickly regretted that.

"Ow, Ow, Ow."

Eli was across the room but quickly walked to me.

"Relax."

He layed my head gently on his chest and cuddled with me.

"Ugh. How did i get here?"

"You flew."

Eli smirked while i glared at him.

"Kidding. I drove you here. I wasnt gonna leave you in that house with that creep of a dad."

I looked at him as if he was my hero.

"Im sorry you had to go through all of this."

Eli frowned.

"You dont have to be sorry Clare. I love you and would do anything for you. Now-"

He sounded serious.

"The only thing you have to be sorry about is why you didnt tell me."

I sighed, knowing he was gonna bring this up.

"I didnt was you to leave me. My mom left me. Im afraid Eli. I dont want to do this alone."

A lonely tear rolled down my cheek.

"Hey, its okay. You're not gonna go through this alone. I promise."

He leaned down to kiss the tear away. I smiled a small smile and fell asleep. But then i started to think, how am i going to cut myself if Eli's here? Luckly i brought a extra blade. I'll just have to sneak around. What Eli doesnt know wont hurt him.

_Little girl terrified_

_She'd leave her room if only bruises would heal_

_A home is no place to hide_

_Her heart is breaking from the pain that she feels_

_Everyday's _

_The same_

_She fights_

_To find her way_

_She hurts_

_She breaks_

_She hides_

_And tries to pray_

_She wonders why_

_Does anyone ever hear her when she cries_

_Today she's turning sixteen_

_Everyone's singing but she cant seem to smile_

_They never get past arm's length_

_How could they act like everything is alright_

_Pulling down her long sleeves_

_To cover all the memories the scars leave_

_She says," Maybe making me bleed, could be the answer that could wash the slate clean."_

_Everyday's_

_The same_

_She fights_

_To find her way_

_She hurts_

_She breaks_

_She hides_

_And tries to pray_

_She wonders why_

_Does anyone ever hear her when she cries_

_This is the dark before the dawn_

_The storm before the peace_

_Dont be afraid_

_The seasons change_

_And God is watching over you_

_He hears you_

_Everyday's_

_The same_

_She fights_

_To find her way_

_She hurts_

_She breaks_

_She hides_

_And tries to pray_

_She'll be just fine_

_Cause i know_

_He hears her_

_When she cries_

_Everyday's_

_The same_

_She fights_

_To find her way_

_She hurts_

_She breaks_

_She hides_

_And tries to pray_

_She'll be just fine_

_Cause i know_

_He hears her_

_When she cries_

_She'll be just fine_

_Cause i know_

_He hears her_

_When she cries_

**When she cries by Britt Nicole :) Hope you guys liked this chapter. I wouldnt know unless you review. 5 more reviews to continue. Please :D Thanks for reading! Love you guys bye!**


	3. Stand in the rain

**Hey guys! How's my little readers doing? Thanks guys for all the reviews! It really means a lot to me :) And big shout out to anonymous for the story ideas and tips! Thank you! Well on to the story! You guys earned it! **

_**Clare's POV**_

_I've been living with Eli for a few weeks now. He's been taking care of me. I love him for doing that but... There's just something not right. There's something in my head telling me to go back to my dad. I mean even though he's done all this horrible stuff to me... He's still my dad deep, deep down inside. He's still the same man that once married my mother, and the same man that once and still is my father. Maybe he's just going through a faze. Since I've been gone for so long, he probably misses me. I'll talk to Eli about it today. Im suspended so I have to wait till Eli comes home. He wanted to skip so he could stay with me but I forced him to go. How am I gonna break it down to him? How will he react?_

I sighed closing my journal and putting it away. Eli would be coming home soon. Its boring sitting around and waiting all day. I layed down on his bed- well OUR bed. I closed my eyes and started thinking about the things going on. Why must my life be so difficult? I then fell asleep all cuddled under the sheets.

_**Eli's POV**_

I wanted to stay with Clare, but she forced me to go to school. I kind of felt bad, leaving her almost all day alone. But she's very... convincing. When i got home i found her on the couch sleeping. She looked so peaceful. I walked over to her and placed a soft peck on her lips. Her eyes opened instantly.

"How was your lonely day?"

She sat up.

"Boring... How was your day at school?"

"Different without you there."

She smiled, a real smile. But then that smile suddenly vanished as if she was thinking of something.

"Whats wrong Blue Eyes?"

She sighed.

"Eli... Its been wonderful living here and you taking care of me but... There's just something inside of me telling me to... Go back to my dad."

I instantly became pissed. Why the hell would she want to go back there?

"What? Why? AFTER ALL HE'S DONE TO YOU!"

She was about to cry. All because of me. I knew she was very... sensitive when people yelled at her. It reminded her of her dad.

"He's my dad Eli. I thought you'd understand that- Wait of course you dont! Your dad is loving, sweet, and... A dad! Nothing like my dad!"

"Exactly Clare... Nothing like YOUR dad. Your dad is a horrible man! He's not your father."

I tried to calm myself down.

"Well Eli... He's my dad. And maybe deep deep down inside... He's still the same dad he used to be."

"Well... The next time he leaves you on the floor in your room in pain and lifeless... Dont call me."

Shit! I quickly regretted saying that.

_**Clare's POV**_

I cant believe he said that! After packing my bags, I muttered a quick goodbye and left. I cried the whole walk home. When i was in front of the house i quickly wiped my tears and cautiously walked in.

"WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN BITCH!"

My dad walked up to me and slapped me.

"Daddy! Stop!"

He pushed me down and started kicking me.

"Dont call me your dad."

"Dont you love me? Arent i your daughter?"

He then started punching me, everywhere.

"You're nothing to me!"

He kicked me a few times and then left me. I dragged myself up the stairs to my room. I went to the bathroom and locked the door. My body was already full of bruises. I was depressed. Now i know that my dad, the sweet, loving, and caring dad... Is... Gone. I looked over at the blade sitting on the sink.

"My best friend."

I picked up the blade and slid it across my wrists... Making me forget about everything. Its then that i noticed... I have a serious problem. And its all because of my sucky life...

I should've listened to Eli.

_She never slows down_

_She doesnt know why but she knows that when she's_

_All alone_

_Feels like its all_

_Coming down_

_She wont turn around_

_The shadows are long but she fears that if she cries_

_That first tear_

_The tears will not stop_

_Raining down_

_So stand in the rain_

_Stand your ground_

_Stand up when its all crashing down_

_You stand through the pain_

_You wont drown_

_And one day whats lost can be found_

_You stand in the rain_

_She wont make a sound_

_Alone in this fight with herslef_

_And the fears whispering_

_If she stands_

_She'll fall down_

_She wants to be found_

_The only way out is through everything she's_

_Running from_

_Wants to give up_

_And lie down_

_So stand in the rain_

_Stand your ground_

_Stand up when its all crashing down_

_You stand through the pain_

_You wont drown_

_And one day whats lost can be found_

_You stand in the rain_

_So stand in the rain_

_Stand your ground_

_Stand up when its all crashing down_

_Stand through the pain_

_You wont drown_

_And one day whats lost can be found_

_So stand in the rain_

_Stand your ground_

_Stand up when its all crashing down_

_You stand through the pain_

_You wont drown_

_And one day whats lost can be found_

_You stand in the rain_

**Hope you guys liked this chapter! If you have anything to say... Review. Its the easiest thing to do. Anyways tomorrow's Friday! Yay! Any guesses on whats wrong with Holly freaking J? Does she have cancer or something? I thought she was preggo but she got her period... So what else is there? Okay so review and tell me whats wrong with HJ. I want like 5 reviews to continue! Love you guys! Xoxo!**


	4. Innocence

**Hey guys! Read your reviews and felt extremely bad about the short story. So im reviewing! Again! So here you guys go. It might be short again but i'll try to make it long enough :) Oh and thanks for the reviews. I was crying over how supportive you guys are. Never felt this wanted before. Love you guys! Okay, on to reading!**

_**Clare's POV**_

_I spent all night crying. Crying about my Dad, crying about Eli, crying about my problems, crying about how hungry i am, crying about my life. And i've come to realize how tired i am of crying. Anyways, today's school. That means i have to face Eli. And probably face Adam asking questions for Eli. I'll have to face slutty Bianca. That bitch... Excuse my language God- Why should i apologize? You have never helped me! You never even cared about me. Nobody cares about me... Im alone in this fight with myself._

I closed my journal and put it away. My journal is the only thing i can tell my secrets to. The only thing i can pour my heart out to. Now to get ready... Back to school... _Yippy!_

_**Eli's POV**_

I spent all weekend thinking about Clare. I was such a jackass. And here i am, pouring my heart out to my best friend. He's the only person i can ask for advice. The good thing is since he's half girl, he's good about girls.

"Dude what do i do?"

I sighed, and put my head in my hands.

"You messed up Eli. I think i can feel Clare's pain. Dude! You went to a whole new level of mean!"

"I know... I regreted every single word that came out my mouth. Help me dude!"

"Well... I dont think she'll forgive you. I mean you are a total jackass for saying that to her. You seriously need a miracle, and a time machine if you wanna fix this mess."

"Gee where do i find a time machine at?"

What a good friend.

"Sorry man. I wish there was a way i can help-"

Then suddenly something came to mind.

"You can help!"

"Oh god. What do you want me to do?"

"Just talk to her. Tell her to talk to me and tell her that i love her. Please Adam! Please, please, please!"

He started laughing... Seriously?

"Okay man... Just quit the begging and lets get to school."

"THANK YOU!"

_**Adam's POV**_

I cant believe i got myself in this mess. But i have to. He was so happy that he was about to french kiss me! Well here goes nothing.

"Hey Clare."

She turned to me. And smiled, a weak smile.

"Hey Adam."

"Yea hey... Um... You should like really talk to Eli."

She looked at me with pissed and disbelief written all over her face.

"What? No! He doesnt care about me! He wants nothing to do with me."

I felt bad for her.

"Look Clare, he didnt mean those things he said. He loves you. He was just mad. He didnt want you to get hurt."

"Im not talking to him."

"Clare but what he said is true! You cant live with your dad! He's dangerous-"

I examined her face. Was that a black eye?

"I bet he gave you that black eye. Anything else you're hiding?"

She looked away. Avoiding my eyes.

"I have to go."

She then ran off. Clearly hiding something. And me and Eli were going to find out. No matter what it takes.

**Clare's POV**

Adam knew! He knew! He's gonna tell Eli! My life is over! Then they're gonna try to help me. I dont need help! I feel perfectly fine. I ran to the roof. My sister told me all about it. She said she used to go there when she needed time alone. And thats exactly what i need.

"Here we go."

I sat down on the edge, letting the air hit me. I sighed. This is exactly what i needed. I put my hands in my sweater pocket and felt something sharp in it. I took it out and i found the blade.

"Just once more..."

I slowly pulled the blade to my wrists and cut the skin.

"One more time..."

Then again.

Then again.

Then again.

After doing that i got tired from losing blood and decided to go home. School was over anyways. I cleaned up my cuts and left. When i got home it was quiet.

"Where is he?"

I looked around around and found nobody.

"He's not here?"

My dad wasnt home! For the first time in weeks... I felt happy. I didnt have to come home to beatings. I didnt have to come home to my worst nightmare.

_Waking up i see that everything is okay_

_The first time in my life and now its so great_

_Slowing down i look around and i am so amazed_

_I think about the little things that make life great_

_I wouldnt change a thing about it_

_This is the best feeling_

_This innocence is brilliant_

_I hope that it will stay_

_This moment_

_Is perfect_

_Please dont go away_

_I need you now_

_And i'll hold on to it_

_Dont you let it pass you by_

_I found a place so safe not a single tear_

_The first time in my life and now its so clear_

_Feel calm_

_I belong_

_Im so happy here_

_Its so strong and now i let myself be sincere _

_I wouldnt change a thing about it_

_This is the best feeling_

_This innocence is brilliant_

_I hope that it will stay_

_This moment_

_Is perfect_

_Please dont go away_

_Cause i need you now_

_And i'll hold on to it_

_Dont you let it pass you by_

_Its the state of bliss you think you're dreaming_

_Its the happiness inside that you're feeling_

_Its so beautiful it makes you wanna cry_

_Its the state of bliss you think you're dreaming_

_its the happiness inside that you're feeling_

_Its so beautiful it makes you wanna cry_

_Its so beautiful it makes you wanna cry_

_This innocence is brilliant_

_It makes you wanna cry_

_This innocence is brilliant_

_Please dont go away_

_Cause i need you now_

_And i'll hold on to it_

_Dont you let it pass you by_

_This innocence is brilliant_

_Its so beautiful_

_So beautiful_

_I hope that i will stay_

_This moment_

_Is perfect_

_Please dont go away_

_I need you now_

_It makes me wanna cry_

_And i'll hold on to it_

_Dont you let it pass you by_

**Innocence by Avril Lavigne. I love her 3 Anyways hope you guys liked this chapter. Was a little short... Sorry :( But im trying to save the drama lol. Anyways i was just looking up Drop The World, the last episode of Degrassi season 10 and was wondering who was gonna die. Eli's not gonna die (Thank God) He gets into a car accident, thats it. How do i know this? I watched the Luke Bilyk interview and he said there will be car accidents (Eli), drugs (Drew), and a death that involves a shooting (Unknown). Eli's storyline is no where near a gun. So who do you think is gonna die? Okay guys thanks for reading and review! 5 more reviews :) Love you guys bye!**


	5. Something Wrong

**Hey my little readers! Liked Degrassi yesterday? I enjoyed it :)But i didnt enjoy the Drop The World promo... What did the writers do to Eli? Where is OUR sarcastic, funny, sweet, loving, sexy, smart, and normal but unique Eli we all knew and loved? Well still love i hope. He's gone cookoo. I mean one minute he's yelling at a tree, and then the next he's pointing a freaking shotgun at it? Where the hell did the shotgun come from? Ha from thinking of it im going cookoo. Well on to reading...**

_**Clare's POV**_

_Ever since the cutting on the roof, I've been feeling dizzy... Sick. Did i cut too deep? Did i hit a vein? What would Eli say if he knew? ...Eli... He's been trying to call but i ignore him. I've been trying to get my mind off of him but... He's always on my mind. Every minute of every day. But i cant suck up to him. If he finds out about everything... The puking and cutting... He might try to get me help. Make me see a therapist. Or even worse. He might leave me. I cant lose him. Not yet. He's all i have left._

I sat up from my seat and hid my journal under the bed. It was hard to write in it. My arm hurts like hell. I think i went a little too far. But, it helps. At least im not giving up. Not yet...

_**Eli's POV**_

I havent talked to Clare since our fight. I feel horrible saying those things to her. She knows if she had a problem, anything, she could tell me. Hopefully she'll talk to me today.

_**~At school~**_

I was talking to Adam when i seen Clare at her locker.

"I'll um- I'll catch you later."

I kept staring at her. Adam must've seen what i was staring at and understood.

"Fix it."

Thats all he said before walking away. I walked up to her- cautiously. I didnt want her to walk away from me. Not this time.

"Hey blue eyes."

"Oh um- hey Eli."

She didnt even spare one glance at me. I cant stand not looking into those blue eyes that i fell in love with.

"Look at me, Clare, please."

My voice sounded needy. And when she didnt look at me, i almost lost it. I gently tilted her chin up so her eyes looked me straight in the eye- but she flinched.

"Whats wrong?"

"Nothing."

That wasnt very reassuring.

"You're lying."

She looked away. Hiding her face from me... Why? I gently turned her face, surprised at what i saw. A black eye? What the hell!

"Did he do this to you?"

"Its nothing... Im fine."

She was going to cry. She tried to hide the tears but failed miserably. This broke my heart.

"Hey- dont cry."

I pulled her into a hug. Ignoring at how she tried to shove me away but was too weak. She felt skinny... Really skinny.

"I need to get to class."

She quickly ran off, not looking back.

_**Clare's POV**_

I couldnt take it anymore. I was losing myself. I felt like i would faint any second. I couldnt faint in front of Eli- then he'll know whats up. The day went by in a blur. That was, until English came.

"Good afternoon Ms. Edwards."

I smiled at Ms. Dawes. There was nobody in the classroom, just me and her. I always get to her class early so i can have a few minutes to myself.

"Good afternoon Ms. Dawes."

I quickly sat down. Too dizzy to stand. Afraid to fall.

"Do you have your assignment done?"

I nodded my head.

"Then hand it in now."

"Okay."

I stood up and took out my assignment. I handed it in and when i walked back, everything was spinning. I couldnt control myself. I just gave out. I fainted, right in front of Ms. Dawes. And the worse part is, my head hit a desk.

"Clare!"

I heard students start to come in the classroom and gasp. Wondering what happened... Then the last thing i saw was a pair of concerned green eyes. Thats when my world went black.

_**Eli's POV**_

The day went slow. I couldnt wait till English so i can talk to Clare. When English finally arrived i went to my locker, grabbed my books, and headed to class. When i got there, i saw a whole bunch of students at the doorway, all looking worried and confused. I walked in and saw Clare- MY Clare, on the floor.

"Clare!"

I knelt down next to her, gingerly touching her head.

"Ms. Dawes, what happened?"

"I dont know! She just fainted!"

What was wrong with her? I was so distracted, that i didnt see an ambulance come and take my Clare away.

"Clare..."

_**Clare's POV**_

I woke up with my head pounding... Where was i? The room was white. Was i in the hospital? I slowly lifted my arm and touched my head but was stopped by a doctor.

"I wouldnt touch that if i were you."

I looked at him confused.

"What happened?"

"You fainted, hit your head. Its just 3 stitches. Nothing major."

He gave me a reassuring smile.

"How long will i be here?"

"Im not sure. First we need to figure out whats wrong with you. And i think those nasty, infected cuts on your arm has something to do with it."

My eyes widened in horror.

"Y-You seen my cuts?"

"Dont worry... I wont tell. But what you're doing is very serious. Especially if it gets infected."

I sighed.

"I know its just- I need it. Really bad."

"You need to stop it. Ahem- anyways, how long havent you eaten?"

I panicked... Did he know about that too?

"Yesterday. I was so busy that i didnt have time to eat."

I gave him a fake laugh.

"Well, maybe that could be a problem. I'll tell the nurses to bring you some food. We're running tests but the results havent came yet."

"Tests? Is this something serious?"

"I dont know. But i do know is that you need rest. I'll see you later."

"Okay... Bye."

Once the doctor left, i looked at my arm. What was wrong with me? Is it the cuts? Or the eating disorder? Nobody can find out this... Nobody. Not a soul. I just hope im okay.

**Was it good? Im sorry if it sucked... Im just really tired right now -.- But i decided to write :) For you guys. So i want like 5 reviews to continue! Honestly, i dont really know if you can get sick from infected cuts. Possibly? I'll look it up :D So again, review and tell me your thoughts cause i cant read minds. Love you guys! Bye Bye :-***


	6. Promise

**Hey guys im back again! Got seriously bored and decided to write this. This chapter is gonna be sappy so... Yea :D On to the reading,**

_**Clare's POV**_

_Hospitals... I hate them. I've been in this hospital for 3 days. Not that long but i want to get out. Maybe not... My dad cant get a hold of me while im here so im happy. Eli's been here a few times, but everytime he came, i was asleep. Was he trying to avoid me or something? Anyways the doctors are still trying to figure out whats wrong with me. Im trying to figure out whats wrong with me. There is redness and heat around my cuts. And its a little bumpy. Is that normal? My body has been aching pretty bad and i've been feeling nauseous lately. Whats wrong with me?_

I slowly closed my journal and put it under my pillow. My body aches like hell. I look down at my cuts- the red, swollen, irritated cuts. They dont look too healthy. Pus has been coming out of them. And honestly- that is the most disgusting thing i've ever experienced with a cut.

"Knock Knock."

I look at the door, and find my doctor there.

"Hey doc."

He smiled.

"Hey Clare. Um i have good news and bad news... We found whats wrong with you."

My face lit up.

"Really! Finally! Well whats the bad news?"

He looked down and his smile vanished.

"Your um- your cuts are infected... And we think thats the connection to what has been wrong with you lately."

"Am i going to be okay?"

"I cant make any promises that its not dangerous."

"What can this lead to?"

He sighed.

"You could die."

"D-Die?"

"Yes… And that's why its important that we treat these cuts. I gotta go. See you later Clare."

"Bye."

I could _**die! **_Im so stupid! How could I let this happen?

"Knock, knock."

I looked at the door, and was surprised to see Eli there, with dead roses.

"Eli?"

He smirked at me and walked to my bed.

"Hey Blue eyes. Figured I'd stop by and give you these."

He gave me the roses.

"T-thanks Eli. That's so sweet."

He looked down.

"You're my girlfriend. This is what im supposed to do."

"But I thought you didn't care after what happened at my place."

"Clare, I didn't mean what I said! Im worried about you- the doctor told me about infected cuts. What is he talking about? He refused to tell me."

God no… Eli cant find out about this!

"It- It was from my dads beating! I fell and- and hit my wrist on my nightstand! And somehow, I got cut."

He looked at me as if I had two heads.

"Really? You hit your wrist?"

I nodded.

"Then let me see."

"What! No."

"If it was an accident, then let me see."

Before I could protest any further, he gently grabbed my wrist.

"Clare- What the hell?"

I looked down, ashamed. Too afraid to look into his eyes.

"You were cutting yourself! How could you be so stupid! You could've died! And probably still can! How do you think I'd feel if you did die! Huh? Do you think I would've just shrugged it off? Why didn't you tell me?"

By the time he was done, I was in tears.

"Clare."

He pulled me into his warm embrace. I cried for I don't know how long, but he was there the whole time soothing me into a world of calmness.

"Im soo sorry Eli!"

"Shh, Shh, its okay."

I pulled my head back from his chest, my tears had slowed down by then.

"They said I could die."

He looked horrified. Like a child had just witnessed a cat being hit by a car.

"I love you so much."

He kissed my forehead, something he did all the time.

"Just promise me one thing."

"Okay."

"Don't give up. Fight this. And don't do this ever again. And I'll promise you something. I'll be here every step of the way."

I smiled, a huge smile.

"I promise."

He held out his pinky. I laughed. I took it and locked my pink with his.

"You're gonna fight this. I promise."

He kissed me. A quick, lovable kiss. He sounded so determined. I just gave in.

**Sorry I haven't updated in so long. Apology accepted? Okay so review and tell me what you think. Only 10 more days till the new Degrassi promo! Who's excited? So yea I want like 5 more reviews to continue!**


	7. Authors Note

**Hey guys! This is gonna be an A.N. **

**I've seen the promo for the new Degrassi episodes Now or Never and im sure you've seen it too.**

**I was a little discouraged with the whole Eclare story plot but then realized Eclare's not over yet.**

**So I don't want you to be discouraged.**

**Just because the promo made us think Eli and Clare might be over for good, doesn't mean we quit on Eclare.**

**So what im trying to say is keep on writing your fanfictions and keep on making your vids on YouTube!**

**Save our lovely Eclare couple!**

**We don't know whats gonna happen.**

**They made us predict Eli was gonna die in Season 10, but did he?**

**NO!**

**So lets all predict that Eclare will be together again!**

**So again, keep on writing your fanfictions and keep on making your YouTube vids.**

**Eclare is not over yet.**

**WE decide whether they are or not.**

**And WE decide whether to forget Eclare forever or keep them in our hearts forever.**

**Thanks for reading! I know it's a dramatic A.N. but it was needed. I'll post another chapter sometime this week. Hope this helped bring back your hopes for Eclare.**

**Bye!**


	8. Welcome Home Surprise

**Hey people! I know I promised a chapter like 2 weeks ago but somehow I got stuck doing my aunts college essay -.-' Sorry again guys. Hope im forgiven. Oh and check out my other new story Im With You. Okay lets read!**

_**Clare's POV**_

_Another second, another minute, another hour, another day, and another week in this hospital. I just wanna leave. They said I can leave today… So I decided im going back home. To my dad. I didn't tell Eli I was leaving today. I needed to go back home. He's still my dad. My abusive dad. But im not giving up on him. There's still hope._

"Knock Knock."

I smiled.

"Hey doc. Any good news for me today?"

He smiled a bright smile.

"There sure is! You can leave today. All you have to do is keep cleaning those cuts and bandaging them and they'll be fine."

I practically screamed.

"Yay! Thank you. You've been such an amazing doctor. I owe you big time."

"You can start by not cutting yourself.

My smile vanished.

"Maybe something else you have in mind?"

He just laughed.

_**~At home (Clare's POV)**_

I walked through the door cautiously. Not sure what to expect. But when I walked in, nobody was there. I was confused but silently thanked God. So I walked up to my room and took a nap.

_Knock Knock_

"Open up the door!"

I opened my eyes, curious. I was trying to figure out where was I and what was that noise.

_Bang Bang_

"Open the fucking door!"

I quickly sprinted out of bed and opened the door. I saw my dad, and he wasn't alone. There was a tall guy with blonde hair. And he had dark evil eyes. But most importantly, who was he?

"Who is he?"

My father laughed out loud.

"Is that any way to greet your fuck buddy?"

"My wha-"

I couldn't even finish my question. He just shoved the guy in my room, and locked the door.

"Ready to have some fun?"

Was he serious?

"NO!"

He just smirked. It wasn't like Eli's smirks. It was more dangerous.

"I like a girl who fights."

He started to put his hands on my waist.

"Let go of me."

"Come on! I payed $100 for this! I deserve some fun!"

Then he just- had his way with me. As he said it,"I was his for an hour."

_**~The next day (Eli's POV)~**_

When I was walking to my lockers, I seen Clare.

"Clare!"

I ran up to her and gave her a hug.

"Hi Eli."

"What are you doing here?"

"They let me out the hospital."

I smiled. I was so happy to see her.

"Um look, I- I gotta go. See you in English."

She walked away without looking back. She just left me standing there, confused.

When English finally arrived I walked in and sat in my seat. Clare came and sat in front of me. Lucky for me, class didn't start in 5 minutes so we had some time alone.

"How have you been?"

"Good."

She seemed distant. As if she was in her own world.

"You okay? You look pale."

I touched her forehead.

"Im fine."

She moved her head and turned around in her seat. I furrowed my eyebrows. I gently turned her face towards me.

"Whats-"

"Can you stop touching me!"

I quickly removed my hand from my gentle grasp. Something was obviously wrong.

_**~At Lunch (Clare's POV)~**_

I didn't mean to be so cold to Eli in English but- he kind of freaked me out. Ever since last night, I've been scared. I can't describe this feeling. I've felt distant and in danger.

"Hey Clare."

I smiled.

"Hey Adam."

He sighed. Those weren't the good sighs.

"Me and Eli are worried about you."

I shook my head.

"Im fine. Just tired."

He looked concerned.

"I just feel weird. Weeks in a hospital can do that to a girl."

I nervously laughed.

"Okay. Whatever you say. Just remember, im always here for you."

He reached across the bench and touched my hand. I gave him a sad smile and simply nodded. He then got up and walked away.

"HEY CLARE!"

Called Alli, walking to the bench. She sat down and already started talking.

"So Drew and I went on a date last night and-"

Today is gonna be a long say.

_**~At home (Clare's POV)~  
**_I sighed as I fished out my keys from my pocket and put it in the keyhole. I was mentally, and physically tired. I just wanted to go to sleep. I walked in the house and my breath got caught in my throat.

"Hey dad…"

I said awkwardly.

There was my dad, standing next to another mysterious man.

"Get to work."

Kill me now.

**Okay :) Hope you liked this chapter. I'll update more often. Sorry for the wait. And again, check out my other story Im With You. Okay so I want like 5 more reviews to continue please :D Bye Bye!**


	9. Too Hurt To Stay

**Hey guys! This is a little late b-day gift for Amazingggg. Happy late birthday lol :) Sorry for late chapter dude. Okay so lets read!**

_**Clare's POV**_

_The past few days have been hell for me. My dad has been bringing so many men home… Im getting sick and tired of the same old routine every single day. I may seem okay to any stranger, but im slowly dying in the inside. I don't know what to do. All the things that I wanna do are bad decisions. I just want to fall asleep and never wake up._

I slit the blade across my skin yet again. Another guy I slept with… I've never felt so dirty. The situation has been getting so bad. My dad even forced me on the pill. Does he expect me to do this until I move out? I cant do this anymore. I wont do this anymore. Im not gonna play the helpless little girl anymore. I got up from the toilet seat and walked in my room and started packing. When I was finished I walked downstairs after having a debate whether I should go down through the window, or front door. Im just praying my dad wont see me.

"Where the hell are you going?"

I turned around to see my dad at the top of the staircase.

"Leaving."

"The hell you're not."

Then he started walking down the stairs. That's when I ran. I was so close to the front door when I felt a hand grab onto my hair.

"You're not going anywhere slut."

He slammed me on the floor… Just like he does all the time. But this time, im not gonna take his beating. Im leaving, whether he likes it or not. I got up from the floor and headed for the door again.

"I SAID NO!"

He slammed me against the wall and punched me.

"GET OFF ME!"

I yelled and kicked. But he was stronger… He's always stronger.

"Where the hell are you gonna go?"

"I don't know… But all I know is, for now, Im gonna stay away from here. Im tired of your beatings and sex crazed life that you pulled me in. Im not gonna sleep with another guy! Im not gonna do anything you tell me to do! IM. LEAVING!"

I pushed him off and ran away from the house…. Ran away from my life. I don't know where im going but, I'll find a place. And then it hit me…

_Im running away_

I never thought I'd do this but I have no choice…

_**Adam's POV**_

_Ring Ring Ring Ring_

Ugh, who the hell is calling at this time?

I struggled out of bed to my phone.

"Im coming, jesus."

I dragged my feet across the floor and looked at the caller I.D. and it read…

_Clare_

"Hello? Clare? Are you okay?"

"Its Clare's father."

Oh shit

"Um, hi Mr. Edwards… Why are you calling?"

"Clare ran away… She left her phone so now im calling all her friends. If you see her, tell her to come home. Im worried."

I started panicking.

"Why did she-"

"I don't know. Just call me if you see her."

Then he just, hung up. I gotta tell Eli. I dialed in his number and waited impatiently.

"Adam? Why the hell are you calling me at this time?"

I looked at the clock. Damn, its 3 in the morning.

"Sorry dude but its about Clare."

I could see him tense up.

"She ran away! Her dad just called me."

"He called you? Do you think she's safe? Do you know where she might be?"

I sighed.

"Dude, I don't know. But we gotta find her, quick. Before something happens to her!"

"Okay, I'll start looking. Bye."

I hung up and started pacing. Thinking where she might be.

_**Eli's POV**_

Clare _ran away._

Why the hell would she do that? I gotta find her. I put on some sneakers and a jacket which had my keys in them and ran out the door. My mind was racing with thoughts. Bad thoughts. Where could she be? First place im searching at is the Dot.

"Oh Clare, where are you my love?"

_**Clare's POV**_

I walked for 30 minutes and stumbled upon a park. Nobody will look for me here. I sat down on one of the benches and searched for my phone in my pocket.

"Where the hell is it?"

I dug my hands in my pocket deeper but found nothing. Damn, I left it home. I sighed and lie down on the bench. That's when I broke down. I cried for my mom, I cried for my dad, I cried for the men I slept with, I cried for Eli, I cried for me, and I cried for my life. When did things get so bad? I eventually cried myself to sleep in the cold night air.

**There goes the chapter! :D I hope you guys liked it! Thank you for all the reviews… I cant believe how much I got. I didn't know I would be this successful. So 5 more reviews for next chapter. Bye Bye!**


	10. Cant go back, wont go back

**Hey people! Sorry for the looooooooooong wait. Mkay so lets read :D**

_**Clare's POV**_

_I've been hiding in the park for a day. I don't have money and I don't have a phone. I've been sleeping on the same bench. I don't know what to do. I don't wanna go back home and I don't wanna bother Eli. Why me?_

I put my journal away in my bag sitting on the bench. It was kind of chilly outside and I didn't bring a sweater or jacket. It had never crossed my mind. I picked up my bag from the bench and started to walk around. I survived a night here, without any problems. But I needed to use the bathroom, and there are no bathrooms in the park. I need to shower. I hadn't thought of this. I need somewhere to go. But there's nowhere to go. Im so stupid.

"CLARE!"

I turned around to the source of the voice that interrupted my thoughts. Oh crap! Adam! He ran to me and grabbed my shoulders.

"Where the hell have you been? Everybody's looking for you! Are you okay?"

I nodded. But that didn't answer all his questions.

"I was here at the park. I slept on some bench. And im fine."

"You have to go home. Your dad's worried. And Eli! Especially Eli! He's been calling me non-stop asking me if I found you yet."

He paused for a second.

"Speaking of Eli, I need to call him now."

I stopped him from taking his phone out his pocket.

"No! Nobody needs to know. Not Eli, not my dad, nobody!"

"Why? People are worried Clare."

I shook my head.

"I don't care. I cant go back home."

"Why?"

I froze. Adam doesn't know. He shouldn't. Eli should've never found out either.

"I cant tell you."

"You cant tell me anything. Im your best friend! I told you im a transgender, so you can tell me whatever it is that's wrong."

I was gonna tell him, but I ran away. I had to. Im sorry Adam.

_**Adam's POV**_

Dammit! She got away. I took out my phone and dialed Eli's number.

"Did you find her?"

"Yea, but she ran off."

I heard him sigh.

"Where has she been staying? Is she okay?"

"The park and she's fine. But im worried, bad things happen at night. She could get kidnapped, or raped, or-"

"Adam! Jesus dude, I don't need to hear this. Im worried enough."

I nervously laughed.

"Sorry dude, I'll try to find her. Call you later."

"Bye."

I hung up and started searching.

_**Eli's POV**_

I contacted some friends that she knows that might know where she might be.

_Nada_

Where is she? Is she hurt? Is she sad, depressed? I picked up my laptop from the desk beside my bed and sat it on my lap. I turned it on and went on Facebook. I looked at the missing photo I put up of Clare. Her dad wasn't being much help. He wants her home, for what? To abuse her? I looked at the comments people posted.

_**Alli Bhandari: **__Come back home Clare! I miss you :(_

_**Jenna Middleton: **__Clare-Bear, im worried. Come back home now!_

_**Wesley Betenkamp: **__We miss you Clare. Its not the same in Chem class without you._

_**Connor Deslauriers: **__This is freaking me out. I hope you're safe._

_**Dave Turner: **__The three tenners miss you!_

_**Declan Coyne: **__Come home Prop-Master Clare. Im worried._

_**Peter Stone: **__Come home "sister-in-law", the Dot feels lonely and empty without you._

_**Darcy Edwards: **__Clare Diane Edwards! Get your ass home now! Im worried :'( I hope you're okay. Love you sis._

The last comment brought tears in my eyes. There was more comments but they weren't important people. Come home Clare, I miss you blue eyes.

_Dammit Edwards, I love you._

_**Clare's POV**_

I looked around the street. I saw kids running and playing, talking, having a good time. I miss those days. Then I saw a little girl with her sister, mom, and dad. She looked happy. Her parents looked happy too. It reminded me of me, Darcy, mom, and dad a long time ago. Before mom left. She left me alone with him. I miss my family.

_**~Flashback~**_

"_Mommy! Read us a bedtime story!"_

_Little me and Darcy exclaimed to our mother. She laughed. That soft, angelic, laugh._

"_Okay, okay."_

_As she was picking out a book, I guess a question popped in my head that I just had to ask._

"_Mom, whats a purity ring?"_

_She grabbed a book, and walked back to mine and Darcy's bed._

"_Its when you make a promise to God."_

"_What about?"_

_She sighed and sat down._

"_To wait until marriage to do something."_

_I was about to ask what but then I heard a deep chuckle come from the bedroom door._

"_So curious."_

_It was my dad, my real dad. The one with a heart. He walked over and sat down next to my mom._

"_Yea, lets just read. You girls have to get to bed."_

_She started reading the story to us, my dad listening too. A few times he would crack jokes and we would laugh. That's my father._

_I also remember while I was half-way sleep, a manly voice say I love you, and kiss my forehead._

_**~End of flashback~**_

Tears were streaming down my face, as I remembered that good memory. That was my once family. I don't know how this happened, but I started walking, and I ended up in front of a familiar house, I walked up the steps, and knocked on the front door. Then the door opened.

"Clare?"

There's that friendly voice I can trust. The one I fell in love with.

_**Yay! Finally done with this chapter! :D Hehe, 5 more reviews please. Bye bye.**_


	11. Lucky I Have You

**Hey guys! :) Just recently finished watching Jersey Shore! Snookie! Lol and yesterday I finally watched Murder in the Hamptons featuring Munro Chambers and Aislinn Paul, and I cried my eyes out. So sad in the end when they're saying goodbye :( Imagine having to say bye to your twin brother/sister! The closest person to you who you're connected to. Anyways, lets read!**

_**Clare's POV**_

I smiled up at him and hugged him. I needed my Eli.

"Where have you been?"

Eli pulled me inside his house and sat me down on his dark brown couch.

"The park. Im sure Adam told you."

He looked at me lovingly. At least somebody loved me.

"Do you have any idea how worried I was? If anything happened to you, I don't know if I could've lived with myself."

By then, I had tears in my eyes.

"Im so, so sorry Eli! I just needed to get away. He hurt me too much. I couldn't handle it! All this pressure is killing me!"

Eli pulled me to him and rubbed my back as I cried. He doesn't deserve this. I pulled away and furiously wiped my eyes.

"Im sorry. You don't deserve this. Any of this. Its my problems not yours."

He lightly laughed. Is he seriously laughing?

"Oh Edwards, I love you stupid. I want to know whats happening in my Blue Eyes World. I wanna help you."

I smiled lightly.

"Thanks Eli. I love you!"

I practically attacked him with hugs and kisses.

"Okay, okay. I know, im the best. Now tell me, what has your dad done this time?"

"Just stuff. Nothing important."

He stared me down, obviously not satisfied with my answer.

"I don't want to talk about it! Can I use your bathroom."

"Sure, you know where it is."

I nodded, grabbed my bag, and walked to the bathroom. I closed the door once I got inside and pulled out my razor from my bag. I slowly slid down on the floor and pressed it against my wrist.

_**Eli's POV**_

I tapped my fingers on my leg as I waited for Clare. She was taking a looong time. I began to worry so I got up and walked to the bathroom. When I approached the door, I put my ear against it. It was strangely quiet. All I heard was slight movement. I knocked on the door twice.

"Clare? You okay?"

"I- Im fine, just refreshing myself. I'll be out in a min- Crap!"

I furrowed my eyebrows and opened the door. I stopped dead in my tracks when I saw Clare- My Blue Eyes, on the floor, arm bleeding and razor in her little hand.

"Eli!"

She quickly pushed me out, with such force, to my surprise judging on how shorter she is than me. Then she locked the door with the lock before I could do anything.

"Clare! Let me in! Lets talk about this!"

I started to bang on the door with my fists.

"No! Eli, just please, not now."

"Clare, what you're doing is dangerous! You cant stay in there forever!"

I kept banging on the door until she slowly opened it. As soon as she did, I gently took her small wrist and examined the damage.

"Crap Blue Eyes, these are deep. You need to stop. Its not healthy."

She sighed.

"Its hard to stop. I don't think im strong enough."

I gently took her face in my hands.

"Clare Edwards, you _are _strong enough. You're the strongest person I know. And I love you for that. Don't discourage yourself. You can stop this. I know you can. It hurts me to see you this broken. So promise me, to never do this again. And if you feel like doing it, or you did do it, tell me."

She slowly nodded her head. I smiled and tightly hugged her.

"You know, I can't be without my phone. Im gonna need it."

I sighed, I knew where this was going.

"You need to go back home. Can I drive you and go with you?"

She nodded.

"Can I stay with you?"

"Love, I made up my mind of you staying here as soon as I saw you."

She smiled and pecked my lips.

_**Clare's POV**_

The whole ride to my house was quiet. Nobody spoke a word. I was too busy thinking if my dad was home or not. Eli must've noticed my tense body, so he intertwined our fingers.

"Its okay. I'll be there the whole time. I wont let him hurt you."

I smiled softly. When we arrived, Eli parked his car and we both got out the car. I stopped in front of the front door.

"Im not ready."

Eli stopped in front of me, taking my hand in his and giving it a reassuring squeeze.

"Im right here."

He leaned down and kissed me. Too soon, we pulled away. I cautiously opened the front door and stepped inside, Eli right behind me.

"Eli."

There he was, knocked out on the couch with beer bottles everywhere. And he wasn't alone, as always. There was a man, also drunk and knocked out. I reached for Eli's hand and he grabbed mine. We quietly walked upstairs and into my room. I grabbed my phone which was on my bed and the phone charger.

"Should you pack stuff?"

I nodded my head and grabbed a bag from my closet, packing stuff I might need in Eli's house. When I was done, we quietly tiptoed downstairs and to the front door. Before we could open it and step out, a man's voice interrupted us.

"Are you Clare?"

I slowly turned around, it was the man, probably one of my dad's horny clients.

"Um no, wrong girl sorry."

I was about to leave when he quickly got up and grabbed my arm. Eli immediately stepped in front of me and yanked the guy off me.

"Your dad promised me a good time, I paid money for this."

Eli looked at me confused.

"Well he lied. You're not gonna get a good time. Pleasure yourself scumbag."

With that said, I grabbed Eli's arm and pulled him outside. He kept looking at me as we walked to Morty. I was gonna have to tell him everything, sooner or later.

**Yay! Chapter 11! Thanks so much for the reviews! : ) You guys are awesome. Should I put Jake in the story? If yes then give me some ideas of how you want him. 5 more reviews for next chapter! Bye Bye!**


	12. Sorry

**SHANE DAWSON! :D Lol hey people. Tonight's episode of Degrassi was a total shocker. I mean, throughout it all my jaw literally dropped. And I never do that. Glad that's out of my system. This is gonna be a fluffy chapter. Very lovey dovey. Reading time!**

_Eli hasn't spoken a word to me or looked at me since yesterday. It really scares me to not hear his sarcastic comments and little jokes. It upsets me to know I caused this. I know he wants to know what's been happening but, he's been acting different ever since he found out about my dad. Is it me? Am I that ugly? Does it hurt that much to be around me? Why can't he just talk to me? Look at me?_

I closed my journal and put it under my pillow on Eli's bed. He was still sleeping beside me, turned away from me, as far away from me. Does he want to break me? Why is he so mad at me? I covered my face in my pillow and just sat there, thinking. I picked up my head when I felt the bed move. I turned to Eli, who had gotten up and was rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

"Good morning Eli."

I smiled at him, but all he did was get up and walk to the bathroom. I felt tears in my eyes as I stared at his black quilt. I heard the bathroom door open after 5 minutes and someone's footsteps go downstairs. I sighed and got up from the bed. I fixed the bed and walked in the bathroom, closing the door and locking it. I stumbled to the mirror and glared at myself.

_I really am ugly._

I turned around to the toilet, staring it down. Then I looked away and searched for something sharp. I looked under the sink but froze in place. I promised Eli. I turned to the toilet again. But I didn't promise him that. I walked over to it and kneeled down in front of it. I shoved my finger down my throat and emptied my stomach. Tears stung my eyes but I blinked them back and flushed. I got up brushed my teeth and freshened up. I got out the bathroom and cautiously walked downstairs. I found Eli in the kitchen, looking through the fridge.

"Hey."

He looked up at me, smiled, then kept searching the fridge.

"You hungry?"

I jumped when he talked, he hadn't said anything in forever. I shook my head, and smiled.

"You finally talked to me."

He closed the fridge and stood in front of me.

"Yup."

He then turned his attention elsewhere, standing awkwardly in front of me. I took his face in my hands and turned his face to me.

"Why wont you look or talk to me?"

He walked away, pacing.

"I just don't want to talk, okay?"

"Is it because im ugly?"

He stopped his pacing, and turned to me wide eyed.

"No! You're beautiful Clare. Why? Is that what you think?"

He was now in front of me, holding my hands.

"Yes, sometimes I feel- never mind."

"You feel what? Clare, talk to me."

I sighed and looked at his green eyes.

"I don't feel pretty enough."

I looked down in shame. He took my face in his big, rough hands and faced it towards his face.

"You're gorgeous Clare. The most beautiful girl I've ever seen in my life! I just- im so pissed. To think about all these things you've been through. It bothers me. I just want to punch a wall! But I don't want you to see that."

He kissed me and gave me a crushing hug.

"You're so fragile Clare. I don't want anyone hurting you."

I smiled at him.

"Well as long as im with you, nobody's gonna hurt me."

"Then tell me the truth, what did that guy mean yesterday?"

I tensed at the question. I knew it was coming.

"I'll tell you, just promise not to freak."

He hesitated.

"Promise?"

"Okay. So my dad found a new way to make my life hell. He's been having guys _pay_ him to have sex with me. But I swear, I didn't want to. He made me Eli I swear!"

Eli walked away from me again, and started pacing.

"Please don't be mad at me. _Please."_

"I CANT BELIEVE HE WOULD DO THAT!"

He punched the wall in front of him, which made me flinch.

"I love _you _Eli."

That's when I saw his knuckle bleeding.

"You're bleeding."

I walked to him, gently taking his hand in mine and examining the damage. I reached for the little kitchen towel on the counter and walked over to the sink to wet it. I walked back to Eli and put it on his knuckle. For some odd reason, tears clouded my eyes and poured down my cheeks. I heard Eli chuckle so I looked up at him.

"Why are you crying?"

I laughed then sobbed.

"I- I don't know. Does it hurt?"

He looked at me as if I was crazy.

"Im fine. It doesn't hurt. You've been through worst. Please don't cry."

He gave me a warm hug as I cried.

"I don't like it when you're hurt."

He laughed again.

"Now you know how I feel about you. Im fine Blue Eyes."

I laughed and pulled away from him to wipe my tears.

"Im sorry."

"For what?"

"For being a big baby, and pulling you in this mess. Im surprised you're still here taking care of me."

He kissed me gently and pulled away.

"Only for you Edwards."

I smiled.

"I'll be back."

I started to walk away, but he gently grabbed my wrists and pulled me back.

"Where are you going?"

"Bathroom."

He eyed me suspiciously.

"You're not gonna, you know-"

He let go of my wrists and pretended to slice his wrist.

"Cut right?"

I laughed then shook my head.

"No, im just gonna freshen up."

He nodded and I walked upstairs to the bathroom. When I got in I closed and locked the door. I sighed and turned to the toilet.

**Was it bad? Good? Review! 5 or more for next chapter. Bye Bye : )**


	13. Sorry I'm not good enough

**Hey guys :) Sorry I haven't posted in SO long. I know, I know, no excuse. Hopefully you're still reading and will review. I'm dedicating this authors note for my dog Oddball who passed away Monday that just passed. I know he was just a dog but he was family. I had him since I was 1 years old. Sorry for ranting! **

_**Clare's POV**_

I fought back tears as I carried my suitcase and journal to Morty. I should've been more careful, this is my fault. Eli was waiting by Morty, leaning against his antique Hearse. He flashed me a sad smile, and took the suitcase from me to put in the back of the dusty car. I stood standing there, looking off in space.

"I'm sorry Clare. Maybe it's for the best."

I turned my attention to the dark haired boy I fell in love with.

"Maybe it is."

He opened the passenger door for me, and I got in. He closed it and walked to the driver's side. He started the engine and backed up from the driveway. As he did this, I tried so hard to convince myself he was doing this cause' he loved me.

_Only cause' he loved me_

_He __**loved **__me_

_**Clare's POV (1 week earlier)**_

"I miss you too Alli."

"_We need to spend more time together! You totally abandoned me!"_

"I know. How about we both get coffee at the Dot?"

"_Sounds great, what time?"_

"Three o'clock."

"_Okay! See you then! Bye Clare."_

"Bye Alli."

I sighed as I hung up the phone. I looked at the time on it and it read 9:00am. I had plenty of time till I had to go to the Dot. I went back in bed with Eli, who was still sleeping. I started to play with his dark hair when he suddenly opened his eyes. I smiled at him.

"Good morning sleeping beauty."

He groaned and shoved his head back in his pillow. I laughed and rubbed his head for five minutes. I got up from the bed and walked to the bathroom. I yawned as I did my daily routine. I stood in front of the mirror looking at myself. I looked at my arms, and the scars that marked them. I hadn't really had the feeling to cut. I picked up my shirt and looked at my stomach. It looked fatter than the day before. I turned on the faucet and walked to the toilet. I got on my knees and threw up what I ate before. Since I've been staying at Eli's house, or what he likes to call it," OUR house," he's been making me eat. He hasn't found out about the eating situation, but he's noticed changes in me. He keeps saying," Holy shit Clare, you're a twig!" or," Am I starving you?" and even," I need to stuff your face with food." That idea terrifies me the most.

I got up from the floor and flushed the toilet. I walked back to the mirror and looked at myself. I had dark bags under my eyes and my skin looked paler than usual. I knew about my condition, and how dangerous it could be. I'm not one of those people who are totally in denial about their problem. I was interrupted from my thoughts by a loud knock at the bathroom door. I quickly splashed water on my face and turned the faucet off. I walked to the door and opened it to see a very tired looking Eli. I giggled as he groaned and kissed my cheek.

"You're finally awake."

He laughed and walked to the sink and brushed his teeth. When he was done he turned to me and smirked.

"It's too early to be up, why are you awake anyways?"

We both walked back to his bed and sat down on it. I sighed and rested my head on his shoulder.

"I have to meet up with Alli at the Dot later."

Eli laughed and patted my head.

"Go, have fun. You haven't talked to the poor girl in forever. She probably misses you."

I smiled and kissed Eli. He smiled and went for another kiss but stopped when we heard the front door open and close. We both turned to each other and walked downstairs. Both of his parents were there, totally wasted. Cece smiled at me and ran to hug me, which had her bumping into a small table with pictures on it. I smiled and hugged her back.

"Baby girl, so good to- to see you."

I laughed and patted her back. Bullfrog smiled at me and turned his attention to Eli.

"Hope you didn't try to corrupt the poor girl while we were gone."

Cece gasped and pulled away from the hug.

"You used protection right? Cause' I will whoop that skinny ass of yours Elijah Goldsworthy if you didn't."

I blushed and giggled. Eli scratched the back of his head and looked down. I love his parents.

_**Clare's POV (At the Dot)**_

"So how are you and Eli doing?"

I put my water down and looked up at Alli.

"We're good. He's been helping me out with everything. He's the best boyfriend a girl could have."

"Have you guys had sex yet?"

I looked at Alli, shocked at her bluntness. How could someone bring up someone else's sex life like it was okay to talk about it in a normal conversation?

"No Alli, no we haven't."

She gasped.

"And he's still with you?"

I nodded slowly.

"Clare, you have to give a guy what he desires. If you don't, sooner or later he'll get tired of you and leave. No guy will ever stay with a girl without having sex. It's like their drug."

"So you're saying I should just throw myself at Eli?"

Alli sighed.

"You're not just throwing yourself at him if you guys are together. You love each other right?"

"Yes, of course we do."

"Then you're making love to him, not having sex. I understand you know Eli as the gentle, loving, protective, sweet guy he shows himself to be, but Eli's a guy. And a guy's a guy. All guys have dirty fantasies. You think he hasn't thought about having sex with you?"

"Alli I'm not going to just have sex with him! I know Eli's a boy, and boys sometimes want one thing from girls. But I doubt Eli's that kind of guy."

Alli rolled her big brown eyes.

"Fine, but when Eli breaks up with you, don't say I didn't warn you."

_**Eli's POV**_

Me and Clare we on my bed, cuddling and watching TV. We both didn't feel like doing anything at the moment.

"Eli, are you tired of me yet?"

I looked down at her, confused.

"What do you mean?"

"Well I'm not like most girls. I don't have sex with you and I'm not pretty-

"Blue eyes, I don't care about the sex, and you're gorgeous!"

She looked down and sighed.

"You can be honest with me Eli, if you want to leave, you can. I don't expect you to stay with some fat, nerd like me."

"Where is this coming from?"

She frowned and sucked in a breath.

"Alli."

I groaned, she needs to stop listening to this Bhandari girl.

"Does the midget ever learn to shut up?"

Clare looked up at me.

"Hey! That's my best friends you're calling a midget!"

"I'm sorry but you listen to _everything_ she says. She doesn't even know me."

"I know but you're a guy Eli, I expect you to want pleasure."

I sat her on my lap and held her face in my hands.

"I love you Clare Edwards. I'm not just here for the sex. I want to actually be part of your life. I want to be the arms you run to when something is wrong and the ears to listen to you when you just want to let out what you feel. I want to not just be your boyfriend, but your husband."

It was quiet for a moment. I looked down at the bed sheets and let out a shaky breath.

"You know, the fight me and Julia got into?"

Clare looked at me in shock, probably surprised I was talking about Julia. After a second, she nodded.

"Well she thought I was just with her for the sex. That was what the whole fight was about, _sex. _She died because of one meaningless little thing that didn't matter to me."

Clare gave an apologetic look and hugged me. After a minute, I hugged her back. Probably a little too tight, but I couldn't help it. I felt her shake a little and hold on to me tighter. Tears filled my eyes but I fought them back.

"Eli, I have to be honest with you."

I pulled away and looked at her. She looked away and tears clouded her eyes.

"I- I have an um- I have an eating disorder. There's so much wrong with me, and I _hate _it. I hate feeling this way. I hate having the urge to cut, puke, and feel worthless. I don't want to feel this way anymore."

**Total fail lol. Well review, and sorry for the wait. At least 10 reviews for the next chapter. Also, check out my new twitter account DegrassiLoverFans/DegrassiNerds. I still don't know how to work twitter :D Follow me and I'll throw in two new chapters. See ya!**


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